I've been thinking a lot about worth lately. Such as, how do we ever really know when something we buy is worth the money we pay for it? How do we know when a new endeavor is worth the effort? We say to each other all the time that, nothing good or rewarding is ever easy... but does this mean that all good things must be hard and, for that matter, expensive?

When I was a teenager, my best friend and I used to argue all the time about the difference between the cost of something and its worth. I was (and still am) convinced that you couldn't get quality - in design or craftsmanship - without paying for it. She, a tall, sophisticated and gorgeous girl with infinite style, vehemently disagreed with me. Simone would shake her head at me for spending a month's babysitting wages on one shirt...in fact, I distinctly remember the words "are you crazy?" coming out of her mouth on more than one occasion.

Simone was a bargain hunter and yet, in spite of this, always looked posh. It drove me crazy. The truth is, at a young age, she was the smarter of the two of us. Her closet was much bigger than mine and I wore a lot of the same sweaters and dresses repeatedly... but somehow, even then I preferred the 'less is more' idea, especially when those few items were worth it to me. What I felt about designer labels was that somehow there was an authenticity involved... If someone is willing to put their personal name on a product, they must believe it to be great....and every once in a while iconic labels like Chanel become cultural representations of an entire generation of women inspired by Coco Chanel's own authenticity.

To this day I seek out authenticity... but the rules have changed and the dilemma of worth vs cost has increasingly become more complicated and, at times, challenging to figure out. I recently purchased a new vehicle and was adamant that I get the Vienna leather seats. Sure, the name sounds lovely and reminds me of Europe... but the alternative: "leatherette"... even though it looked the same, made me feel like I'd be driving around in an imitative version of my new car... so I opted to wait six weeks until one with the leather was available. Authentic. Just the way I like it... or so I thought...

When I recently told Simone this same story, expecting a laugh, she responded with, "so... only a half a dozen cows had to die for your authenticity." I was shocked. Was I the cold-hearted bitch who slaughtered animals for the luxurious pleasure of soft, subtle leather under her ass?

Truth was I had never considered this side of the authentic equation. I had been focused on not wanting an imitation. A fake. A knock off. But instead, what I was being faced with was a knock off on my own values - or lack thereof. What does it mean to be authentic in a world where organic is better than conventional? vegetarian is better than free-range? vegan is better than vegetarian? and my leather seats were rendering me evil and shallow below all levels of socially conscious consumerism?

Did it matter that I bought a Diesel with amazing fuel economy that was good for the environment? I suppose I could have scored some points with this, but the truth is, while I may have nodded in approval when the salesman mentioned this fact, the true joy for me was the knowing that I would have more money to spend on Italian leather shoes...

While it seemed that 'cold-hearted bitch' and I were becoming rather well acquainted.... I decided to spend some time, instead of money, reflecting on some of the choices I make on a regular basis. After a couple of days of intense observation and distracted yoga sessions, where I wondered where it is written that yogis can't eat their steak too, I realized that worth, depending on who you are, has many different definitions...

For example, one of the most important things to me is that things last a long time...consider my brown leather boots, the ones I cherished for nearly six years and only this year replaced with a new pair, how I wore them every Autumn and Winter and how each year until the last, they looked better and better. I could have had six synthetic pairs and environmentally speaking, not necessarily made the wiser choice.

I could go on in defence of my Vienna leather and Prada lust.... I could, for example, point out that I buy 70% organic groceries, always recycle and double up on sweaters before turning the furnace up...that I am vehemently opposed to big box stores and support local businesses whenever I can, even if it costs more; I remember my cloth bags and buy recycled paper for the office... but even though I refuse to eat veal or lamb, I'm not vegetarian and am desperately pining for a black leather jacket...

Whilst Simone has grown to enjoy the occasional designer label almost as much as me, when it comes to labels, we still see things differently. She would choose a vegan Matt & Nat handbag over leather even though it costs as much or more, but the value system built into the brand is worth it to her. I respect her for that...and yet, while Simone loves shopping for deals in large chain stores - stocked with goods made in China by its most underpaid labourers and shipped across the world on bohemoth environmental disasters - I have no interest in this experience at all...

Amidst all these differences between us, it seems clear that since we were last of babysitting age, the issues that surround our purchasing choices have definitely become more complicated and vast..we all walk a line and every once in a while we need to reflect upon it.

The truth is I don't always know what is right and I don't actually always weigh the values of every purchase...
I buy organic milk at three times the cost because I know how bad the hormones in conventional milk are for our children - worth it.
I buy premium Earl Grey tea because the cheap stuff taste like shit - worth it.
And, I buy leather, not because it is more expensive, but because although you can still look posh in pleather, it isn't' real to me. When you put a 'p' in front of the word and call it pleather... it's like putting a mask on. Whether the 'p' stands for plastic or pretend, it's purely a pathetic attempt to prove that it is as good as leather, which it will never be. If plastic wants my respect, it should stop trying to be something that it isn't because the moment anyone or anything does that, the joy of being with it is gone forever.

I'm not sure if it's always worth it to pay more and I'm not sure that every Designer is worth their weight in salt, but I do know what it's worth when you experience something that makes you feel good and happy, sometimes maybe even inspired. Do my leather seats make me feel better about myself? Not at all. But, I realized the they also don't make me feel worse. Are they worth the extra cost? Absolutely. Are they worth the guilt...? I realize, I don't have any... What inspires me is not the leather, but the friend who was willing to call me on my shit and love me in spite of it...so perhaps the greatest worth I found in this endeavour was the realization that I can put my name next to hers and know that the friendship is authentic - really worth it.